Ethos: Minnesota Nice and Minnesota Ice
by The Editors on October 20, 2005 in Culture
Dear Minnesota,
I’m really attracted to one of my students. Everyday she sits in the front row, and whenever she asks questions I get goose bumps and can’t reply without stammering like an idiot. Last week, she stopped by during my office hours. When she asked me to explain the political dynamics of the debate over social security reform, I accidentally replied, “I love you.”
I think she noticed. I know professors aren’t supposed to date students, but she’s a Mid-Career and we’re practically the same age. What should I do?
Puzzled Professor
Dear PP,
Shame on you, sir! You are a professor at one of the premier graduate institutions in the country, hired to train the leaders of tomorrow. How can you do your job if you’re busy getting sweet with one of your students?
You’ve already admitted she’s distracting you from your work. If you two were to start courting, she might become affectionate during class, batting her eyes at you and making kissing noises from the front row, further inhibiting your ability to teach.
But the ethical issue here goes even deeper than that. As a KSG professor, you took a pledge that you’d give equal attention to all students regardless of race, gender, age, or academic program. That means that if you start smooching one of your students, you have to start smooching them all. Is that what you really want? To be forced to hold separate “kissing hours” just to be fair to the rest of the class? I think not.
End these fantasies right away, Professor, and get back to doing your job!
Yours,
Minnesota Nice
Dear Minnesota,
I’m really attracted to one of my professors. Everyday, I sit in the front row, prepared with at least 3 intelligent questions. I think he might be attracted to me, too. Last week, during his office hours, I thought he said to me, “I love you” (though he was stammering so much, I couldn’t be sure). I know that the school has a policy against this kind of relationship, but if we had met outside of school, we definitely would’ve hit it off. I was thinking of asking him to the Winter Formal later this semester, but I can’t wait that long. What should I do?
Melancholy Mid-Career
Dear MM,
Oh man, this is awesome! A student-professor relationship is every student and every professor¹s secret dream!! You have to go for it.
Here’s what you do: next time he has office hours, come prepared with a question that subtly reveals your feelings for him. I recommend: “If the supply curve of my love for you is shifting outward, could you please draw your demand curve for that love, on this piece of pink graph paper?” If he draws the curve, you’re money!
Keep things secret for a few weeks, but as the Winter Formal begins to approach, start leaking information about the relationship to your friends. When you both show up to the dance, your love will be exposed and the whole world will know! You’ll immediately become the coolest student at KSG!
Don’t worry about the KSG rule that prohibits professor-student relationships - that’s just a stupid rule that no one even pays attention to, anyway.
Yours,
Minnesota Ice
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