Hard Crime/Soft Crime
by Jim Armstrong on April 30, 2008 in Culture, Hard Crime / Soft Crime
Actual reports filed by the Harvard University Police Department, with commentary by our resident crime-watcher, Jim Armstrong.
April 30:
April 22, 12:14am, Lowell House J
Officers dispatched to a report of an individual placing a ladder against the building. [The individual] stated that they were just trying to get the attention of another individual.
“To those who would suggest the facebook poke has replaced traditional forms of communication…”
April 22, 8:41pm, Appian Way/Garden Street
Report of 4 individuals acting suspiciously and carrying laptops.
Yeah, they’re”consultants”….and suspicious is one of the nicest things they’ve ever been called.
April 18, 4:24am, Mather House Dining Hall
Officers observed 2 individuals piggyback into the building. A field interview was conducted and [they were] sent on their way.
And told that, as a punishment, they could not have a box of apple juice before naptime.
April 17:
April 2nd, 2:41am, Holden Green 18
Officers dispatched to a report of the sound of door opening.
April 2nd, 2:48am, JFK St./Memorial Drive
Officers dispatched to a report of an individual screaming.
“Officers dispatched to threat of weak horror movie unfolding…”
April 1st, 12:48pm, Rosovsky Hall.
Report of 2 unattended bags on the front steps. The bags contained empty pizza boxes and were not suspicious.
Worst. April. Fool’s. Ever.
March 24th, 4:24am, Mather House Dining Hall
Report that an individual reportedly took cereal from the dining hall. Officer arrived and spoke to the reporting party. Officer reports no cereal was taken and all is in order.
Just when you think you’ve made it through a quiet night on campus…all hell breaks loose.
March 20th, 4:30am, Weld Hall
Officer dispatched to a report of an individual reportedly vomiting outside of the building.
“Reportedly vomiting?” Because that sound is easily confused with…..?
March 19:
March 10, 9:05am, Currier House A
Report of an assault…Reporting party stated that they were struck in the right shoulder with a folded newspaper by an unknown individual.
But it was a USAToday, so he hardly felt it.
March 9, 5:18am, 71 Mt. Auburn St.
Report of an individual attempting to break into a restaurant. Officers arrived and spoke to the individual who stated that they thought the restaurant was open. Officers sent the individual on their way.
Khuri and Mayrl offered no comment as to whether the incident was connected to their breakfast research, or why they were trying waffles so early in the morning.
March 4th, 1:01pm, Science Center
Officers observed a group of individuals acting aggressively. Officers spoke to the group and report they were just dancing around.
Ah, the life of the rhythm-impaired.
February 28:
Feb. 17, 12:00pm, Murr Center
Report of stolen brown Bottega Venetta wallet valued at $700.00 that contained identification cards, credit cards, [and] $2,940.00 cash.
It’s hard to muster too much sympathy, though, right?
Feb. 20, 3:53pm, Warren Alpert Building
Officers dispatched to take report of a stolen unattended and unsecured bottle of Tide liquid laundry detergent. The value of the detergent is unknown at the time.
“Yeah, Sarge, uh, I don’t know where to go next…this is gonna be a tough case to crack.”
Feb 18, 7:01am, Au Bon Pain, Mass. Ave
Report: Individual reportedly threw a chair at another individual.
“Looks like someone’s got a case of the Mondays.”
February 14:
Jan. 29, 12:26pm, Harvard Medical School
Report of Suspicious Activity: Reporting party stated an unknown individual damaged the microwave [and] that they observed the burnt remnants of a metal spoon [that] appeared to have had a plastic handle that exploded and caused severe damage and char marks inside of the microwave.
Remember: someone called the cops for this.
Jan. 23, 11:38am, Weeks Bridge
Officers arrived to assist the Mass State Police with an individual that was reportedly not wearing shoes. Officers arrived, spoke to the individual, and sent them on their way.
Glad they radioed for back-up.
Jan. 23rd 6:32pm, 25 Quincy Street
Report: odor of marijuana. Reporting party also states that an individual was observed in the area of the odor. Officer…searched the area with negative results.
“Uh, yeah…officer…the dude smoking was….there…but he’s like, gone….now….”
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