Love & Basketball (and Football) (and Baseball)
by Chris Arlene, Sports Editor on February 11, 2010 in Sports
The Super Bowl, America’s most important sports event, was played on Sunday. I wanted to write about it, but couldn’t due to the Citizen’s printing schedule. What to do? I need to come out of the gate strong this semester, because, let’s face it, I bailed in my last column or two last semester. Thankfully, inspiration was found in another of America’s major events: Valentine’s Day.
Personally, Valentine’s Day peaked in elementary school when everybody traded “be my sweetheart” candies. I’m not a huge fan of artificial holidays that create dubious social expectations (what if I bought flowers on February 13th?) or make those of us who are single feel like losers (please also see New Year’s Eve). As I reflected on my previous relationships, however, I realized that I’ve followed a strict code regarding love and sports. In six words that code is: I don’t watch sports with women.
Like George Costanza, I tend to keep my “worlds” separate. Friends are here, family is there, and girlfriends have been way over there (I’m not saying it’s the right way, I’m just being honest that it’s been my way). Under this system, the sports teams in my life have rarely interacted with the romantic interests in my life. Instead, sports are a passion that I’ve shared with my (male) friends, not my girlfriends.
I’ve written before about the special way that sports can build community. Well, my entire experience of playing, watching, and talking about sports has always consisted of a community of guys. I guess that makes me a sports segregationist. I never set out to become that, but 27 years of associating sports with my male friends, teammates, and acquaintances has had a lasting affect.
As our President would say, “let me be clear:” this has absolutely nothing to do any woman’s ability as an athlete, passion as a fan, or even casual interest in sports. There’s not a credible “men are better sports fans” argument to be made, and I’ve talked to enough die-hard female fans that it would be ridiculous to even try to make that argument. The sports segregation in my life has much more to do with how I (and I’m guessing others) relate to the people in their lives.
Sports have played an important role in most, if not all, of my male relationships. They haven’t in my relationships with women. And that reaches beyond my love life, extending to my mother, sisters, nieces, friends and colleagues here at HKS. I just haven’t had a relationship with any woman where sports were what truly connected us. This is due in part to how I differentiate between watching my teams and watching sports in general.
Following my favorite teams is serious business. Sure, it brings my buddies together, but it’s not a typically social event. We’ll talk about the latest comings and goings of our lives, but there is never any doubt about where the focus should be when the game is on. Since pro football teams only have 16 games, the Eagles are for the guys only. Baseball and basketball, with 162 and 82 game schedules, are naturally more casual. Catching a baseball game on a beautiful summer night is actually a great date. But, once the games start taking on more meaning as the playoffs approach, the Phillies (and theoretically the Sixers) games take on the same “guys only” status as the Eagles.
Watching other teams is a different story. Major events such as the Final Four are important social happenings (as long as my team isn’t involved!). As many of us experienced on Sunday, the Super Bowl is as much about beer, chips, and ranking commercials as it is about watching football. The segregationist in me disappears in these situations. The same goes for the random NBA or college basketball game on ESPN. In fact, those games are great material for cuddling on the couch with that special someone. So, it’s not that all sports and love don’t mix well for me. Just some.
I’ve found this to be a good thing for my relationships. If there is one thing I have learned through the ups and downs of young love, (cliché alert) it’s the importance of maintaining your own life outside of your relationship. I’m no authority on love and relationships, but sharing sports with my buddies and not my love interests has been a tool for sustaining equilibrium in my life. I’ve never said, “Honey, you want to watch the big game this weekend, just me and you?” But, at the same time, I haven’t asked my friends if they wanted to order-in, put on a “rom com” and snuggle.
Now, what would happen if I met my sports fan match, a die-hard fan who knows her sports and takes them seriously? I’d like to think I ‘m open to change, and I’m certainly willing to try it out if the right woman ever comes along. I might even seek her out. “Hi, I’m Chris. You’re next drink is on me if you can name the four NFL Hall of Famer inductees who also played in the USFL.” If I met a woman who answered that question instantly, then I may have to change my Sunday routine. But just in case, does anyone have any recommendations for “just for guys” rom coms?
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