Weekly Horoscope
by Victoria Criado, Editor-in-Chief on February 25, 2010 in Culture
Aries (3/21 – 4/19)
Lingering to converse in L140 after your class has ended, while others try to get seated to start their own class, might land a fist-moon into your face-orbit. In a spirit of non-violence and respect, take the post-class discussion to the Forum where nobody cares how much space you take up (that is, unless you’re hovering by the staircase). Yes, that means all of the staircases.
Taurus (4/20-5/20)
As Saturn enters its ascending-descending post-lunar orbit, beware of making those erroneous, lamentable, and all-too-frequent sweeping generalizations in class – this week they might cause you to spontaneously combust. On the other hand, engaging in fruitful, yet sparse commentary will bring forth a month brimming with free cookies and a less than 2-minute wait at the HKS library computers. Hey, it’s the little things.
Gemini (5/21-6/21)
Last week’s Moon-Jupiter conjunction and Venus-Pluto link (horoscopes are so scientific) is telling you to watch-out. Taking that fifth shot of Captain Morgans on a Tuesday night at the Kong will not end well (especially if you christened the evening with a scorpion bowl on an empty stomach). You may experience dry mouth, loss of appetite, nausea, and dizziness. Oh, wait – those are the side effects of your Restless Leg Syndrome medication. Never mind.
Cancer (6/22-7/22)
February will prove to be a particular good month to actually start doing some of your class reading before class. Manipulating your participation grade (and averting a potentially embarrassing cold calling episode) by raising your hand early on to ask the professor a question, which barely scratches at the surface of anything related to the course, will surely end in disaster (more disastrous than the already low opinion you’ve managed to conjure from your classmates).
Leo (7/23-8/22)
Expect favorable tidings to come your way after the 27th, when Uranus encounters a seven-dimensional meteor shower. PAE/SYPA writing will weave its way as seamlessly as your Spring Exercise group presentation did back in April 2009. Yes, that means there might be crying. Don’t you wish everyone lived by the baseball rule? (Hint: Tom Hanks)
Virgo (8/23–9/22)
Romance is in the air, Virgo! Whether it’s that new bacon wrapped Sodexo pizza slice, or the slightly awkward, but extremely affable course assistant who lingers incessantly by Carrel 2, this is your lucky month. So slap some extra dollars on your crimson cash card and/or dress-to-impress those problem sets with a little typing/color-coding action – you don’t want to let this opportunity pass you by.
Libra (9/23-10/22)
Just when you thought the core curriculum couldn’t drain any more life force out of your already frail mind, Mars enters its fifth crescent eclipse. Stata will take even longer to decipher (I mean, it’s so user-friendly to begin with – I know this might seem difficult to even remotely conjecture) and those illuminating DPI readings will make you feel a strange sense of deja vu. Oh wait, that’s because you already learned the material in high school. I mean, college. I mean, on Wikipedia.
Scorpio (10/23–11/21)
Hold on to your sombreros, Scorpio! A lunar phase by the name of JACK might lead you to apply to yet another undergraduate-only job posting. Save yourself the trouble and just throw a stack of resumes on a Braintree-bound Red Line train and pray to Mount Olympus for a highly coveted, informational interview (sorry, we’re not currently hiring).
Sagittarius (11/22–12/21)
Low tides on the third week of the month will amplify the already deafening sound of people using the bathroom in the HKS library. Steer clear of the laptop-friendly tables and/or bring your extra-duty earplugs. There’s no holding back – these people are going to the mattresses.
Capricorn (12/22–1/19)
Beware the Ides of March, Capricorn (even though it’s still February). Pretending to be taking notes in class while actually reading TMZ might lead to a potentially mortifying moment. Yes, graduate school is optional. No, you don’t have to be here. Yes, someone else didn’t get in because you decided to attend. No, they wouldn’t be reading celebrity gossip while the professor discusses global hunger.
Aquarius (1/20–2/18)
Delirium will set in as Saturn returns to normal orbit. Don’t let the delusion overtake you and lead you to believe that this time your mandatory group project might not include any free riders. I know this is the Kennedy School, but didn’t you take API-101/105? Brace for the no-shows, the slackers, and the “Sorry, I’m going to be a little late” –ers. The first step is acceptance.
Pisces (2/19–3/20)
Pisces, Pisces, Pisces. Woe is you. Neptune’s gliding overtures on the third cycle of the month will wreak havoc. Forum events will engulf Littauer. Strange people who don’t even go to HKS will be everywhere (even at HKS student-only events). The it’s-been-four-minutes-and-I’m-still-talking person in your class will speak for three minutes instead (but you know that still feels too long). People will block the main arteries of the cafeteria-side staircase. They won’t move when you say, “Excuse me.” They still won’t move when you physically push them out of the way (gently of course). Oh, Pisces. Thank goodness horoscopes have low predictive power.
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